Perspectives By Russ

When I was a Hollywood Movie Star!

2008-09-09T14:38:00.000-07:00

I had a job one time at American Multiplex Cinemas. As you drove into the huge parking lot, a gigantic neon lit building came into view. It didn't look like a movie theater, rather, it looked like a movie studio. It had 16 screens. When they advertise in the newspaper for employees, they say, "Start your movie career at the AMC." So it is no accident that it looks like a movie studio.

When I showed up for training, there were a bunch of pimply faced teenagers there. One kid was a gang banger with a dew cap and pants with the crotch down to the knees. He went through the whole training which lasted about three days dressed this way and was not told to change his "look" until his first night on the job. The pants magically became higher up to the crotch, and the dew cap disappeared. This kid used to talk about all of the girls in his life. He had his wifey and his girlies. The "wifey" was the one he was really serious about and the others were purely for fun.

When I showed up for my first night of work, I was trained on the popcorn machine. It was a dangerous contraption that could easily burn the arms of the operator. It was then that I knew that the job wouldn't be for me. And talk about clogged arteries! You had to use a blow dryer to melt the oil in the hose coming from the source into the popper to get it flowing.

Cleaning the theaters between shows was a half hearted business. The person who was training me showed me how she did the job by running down the aisles with a broom sweeping popcorn and other debris underneath the seats. I don't know who did the actual cleaning of the theater, but all I know is, it didn't happen on my shift.

The coup de gras came when I wanted to take off a scheduled shift. You had to "telemarket" for a replacement. They gave the employees a complete employee list that included the names of people who no longer worked for the AMC. You had to call people on the list until you found someone who would be willing to take on your shift. When I did this, I found no one who was willing to come in for me. After I left this job, a few months later, some poor young kid called me to find out if I would come in for him. I had to tell him that I was long gone from the job.

The last job they had me doing gave me agoraphobia (fear of wide open spaces). I was by myself taking tickets in the huge open area connecting to all of the theaters. Talk about not getting respect! Most of the customers were single people out on a hot date. They treated the ticket takers with scorn. My shift didn't end until 1:00 in the morning it was then that I decided to take the next shift off and tried to telemarket for a replacement. As I sat down at the phone with the employee list, I had no idea that I would go through the whole list and not find a single person willing to fill in for me.

So that was the end of my "movie career!" I still love pulling up to the Hollywood like building and especially enjoyed taking my mother and mother and law out to the attached restaurant. A funny event happened when Betty, my mother in law found her steak gristly. She didn't want to complain and dealt with the situation as delicately as she could. She hid the gristle under the edge of her plate without telling Virginia or me. When she excused herself to use the restroom, the obviously gay waiter came over and asked if she would like the rest of her steak wrapped up to go. When he picked up her plate, there was a neat little circle of gristle all around. Betty was caught red handed in her ploy to discreetly dispose of the unwanted portion of her meal.

Cut 'em Off at the Pass

2008-09-02T16:15:00.000-07:00

Virginia and I had a marathon day at the hospital today all about weight loss surgery. Virginia had a very friendly conversation with a gigantic elderly woman with a blue bouffont hairdo who was waiting in the doctor's office for two hours previous to us. Waiting around can bring out a person's competetive streak as we found out when it was time for a blood draw.

We were in a race down the hall to the elevator to head for the phlebotomy department. We didn't realize it was a race until we got to the elevator door. The woman was calling out for us to hold the elevator door. When we all piled into the elevator, the race was on. The woman positioned herself right next to the door which was not hard to do since she was the last one on board. She was all red in the face and huffing and puffing from her condor like flight down the hall.

As soon as the elevator door opened three floors down, "Two Ton Tammy" ran out of the elevator to beat it down the hall and around the corner for phlebotomy before any of the rest of us stepped out of the elevator. Her plan was foiled, however, as she raced down the hall and right past the phlebotomy room. As it turned out, she was the last person to make it in for her blood draw. It was not her day. The poor thing had to wait around into the evening for someone to come pick her up. When we left the hospital, she was just coming out of the coffee shop and told us of her predicament.

Perhaps there is poetic justice in this world.

Doggone It!!

2008-08-05T12:19:00.000-07:00

Virginia and I watched "Reds" the other night. It was nominated for twelve academy awards. It got best director for Warren Beatty who made the movie, "Heaven Can Wait" so he could afford to produce, write, and direct "Reds" and have the pull with the movie studio to make it.

It is a very educational movie about what life was like in America and Russia during the Russian Revolution. It was based on a true story specifically about two writers who get caught up in the excitement of the revolution. The stars are primarily Warren Beatty and Diane Keaton. During their lives in the U.S., The two main characters were in Provincetown, MA. Beatty gave Keaton a puppy for a Christmas present.

Jack Nicholson portrays Eugene O'neil, one of the writers who pals around with Jack Reed (Beatty) and Louise Bryant (Keaton). As you would expect, Nicholson's portrayal is a tough as nails character. Keaton is often left alone while Jack Reed (Beatty) travels the country promoting Socialism. Bryant and O'neil have an affair while he is away. When Reed gets home, Bryant cuts it off with O'neil and goes back to Reed. Jack Nicholson puts in a typical performance as a sullen, wounded, rejected lover.

The day after we watched the three and a half hour long movie, Virginia said, "I know this sounds stupid, but I was wondering what became of the little dog when Reed and Bryant took off for the Kremlin?" I replied, "Perhaps Eugene O'neil took her in." This was very funny to Virginia because "O'neil" was such a tough, independent man who would be the least likely character in the whole movie to have sentiment for, and the willingness to, take in a homeless dog that belonged to the lover who rejected him. This struck Virginia as hilarious. For any of you who have seen "Reds" I hope you will enjoy this too.

"Is this the party to whom I am speaking?"

2008-08-05T11:02:00.000-07:00

A few years ago we were at my brother in law's for Thanksgiving. His wife's niece had just had a baby girl and all the husband's relatives had flown in to see the baby. The conversation turned to the relatives and their elderly parents. One thing was universal, voicemail.

Old folks don't understand voicemail. They "dial" a number and hear their son or daughter's voice and they start talking. They don't understand the concept of voicemail. They think they have their son or daughter on the line and they expect to start having a conversation.

The voicemail says, "Hello, you have reached..." As soon as the elder hears "Hello," they start to talk to who they think is an actual person, then, they are rudely interrupted by, "you have reached." They keep talking saying, "Hello?" "Hello?" and the voice keeps going on saying, "Leave me a message at the tone." The elder hears a beep tone, is confused, and keeps saying, "Hello?" "Hello?"

Then, they swear into the phone saying, "Who the #$%&@ is this and why the #$%&@ aren't you answering me?" Then they get angry and slam the phone down on the cradle thinking they have just been totally ignored and rejected by their offspring. If you have these problems with your parents/grandparents, you are not alone. If not, consider yourself lucky.

If any of you want to comment on this post, let me know if you have similar experiences.